Few could have predicted the attention advice columnist Deborah Cooper would garner with the release last month of a controversial article charging that it was black churches that kept African American women single and lonely. But in the weeks since, the column and Cooper have ignited a heated debate in black Christian blog circles and on radio via shows like “The Tom Joyner Morning Show” as to whether or not the black church—brimming with single, never married women— greatly limits their abilities to have healthy, lasting relationships.

In the article, Cooper says that going to church is not making you more attractive and interesting to men nor is it where you are going to find eligible bachelors to date.

In fact, Cooper maintains in the article that “Going to church makes you a sheep, blindly following the mandates of a small group of men you have placed in your life in a position of power. Going to church makes you malleable and predictable, and narrows your thinking and thus limits your options.”

In short, “Going to church for single Black women is a waste of time”, states the widowed mother of one, who has characterized the vast majority of men who attend church into one of four categories: (1) the loser working a 12-step program; (2) openly or in the closet gay men; (3) opportunistic players on the prowl; and (4) elderly reformed players who “worried about dying alone, they bring their behinds back to church to find a “good Christian woman” for marriage.

Cooper—who has been featured in Black Enterprise and Essence, says the article grew out of a pattern she noticed during her 20 years of providing relationship advice to the hundreds of people who send her letters every month via the Internet.

“A lot of them say they go to church and in church they are told things like ‘pray on it.’ These women are lonely. They want to have a husband, they want to have sex and romance and things within the confines of the “scriptured relationship”, which is husband and wife, but the brothers are not in church, so they’re not going to meet them there.

“Then they’re told you’re not supposed to socialize with worldly people, well what does that do? It puts them in a quandary”.

“What happens to those women? They are stuck in church on a treadmlll, not really moving forward in their lives in the direction they want to go.”

Cooper advises them to start broadening their horizons.

“My suggestion is that you get off your knees, stop paying so much attention to what your pastor says and open your eyes to the world around you. There are millions of really great guys out here that would love you to the depths of your soul and stand by you…However, he may not ever set foot in a church, read the Bible or even pray; and he certainly may not be black.”

“I’m saying to stop looking at church as the sole source of their spiritual enrichment. God is not locked up inside of a church house.”

“I don’t know what church she’s talking about, but this is a new day,” counters Dr. Beverly “BAM” Crawford, senior pastor of Bible Enrichment Fellowship. “There are a lot of successful men and women in church. Many of them are happily married and there are those who are not, but the world is full of sexually frustrated single women and the church isn’t the cause.”

Crawford counters that Cooper is making too broad of a stroke even though she touches on some good points.

“If a church does not approach ministry from a holistic standpoint”, Crawford explains, “the people who attend will have an unbalance in their approach to life. There is a social aspect to Christianity and it includes broadening your social skills. If people do everything within the church, they do limit themselves and rob themselves of exposure, but I totally disagree with telling single people to abandon the church.”

“A person who truly knows they are in Christ, they have placed within themselves, validation, boundaries, goals, —these things should not be determined by the church itself. God created all of us to be self-governing.”

Rev. E.V. Hill of Mt. Zion Missionary Baptist Church and Calvary Temple Pentecostal Holiness Church says it’s Cooper’s basic premise that is all wrong, while admitting that tragically enough, the column reflects the general mindset of many of the people who go to church.

Says Hill, “It is unfortunate that our sister does not know several things: the reason why we go to church; the role of the spiritual leader or pastor; and the definition of a church.

“We are to go to church to be introduced to and develop a relationship with Jesus Christ. If by chance we attend a ministry social or church outing and meet someone of the opposite sex to begin a relationship, that can be a blessing, but that is not the sole reason we are to attend church.

“The role of a spiritual leader or pastor is to exclusively introduce us to Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit through Bible exposition and teaching. The pastor is not a matchmaker or a mediator in relationships.

“Finally, a church is any location and any environment where believers on the Lord Jesus Christ touch and agree in Jesus name to worship and do ministry, whether it’s the beach, a basement, a living room or a sanctuary.”